The Space Between
by anotherweasley
Summary: John's POV and Monica's POV as the two sit with Dana on the sofa during the episode "William."
1. John's POV

The Space Between  
Olivia  
  
The space between Monica and I on this sofa is just too far apart even though we are mere inches away from each other.  
  
She's playing with her fingers before she gently lets out her breath and leans back into the sofa, back into my arm. She's trying not to be obvious. She's out of Dana's direct line of sight, as if Dana would notice any way given all that's been happening, all that's on her mind. I want to smile at Monica, but this is not the right time for smiling.  
  
Monica looks at me and I gaze back at her. She's worried. She's not worried about what if it was her instead of Mulder. What if she was like that man, possibly Mulder, sleeping in the bedroom? Would I be like Scully? Would I not care if I knew it was she beneath some scarred, burned face? She's not worried about that because she and I both know the answer to that question.  
  
I gently pat the back of Monica's head and continue to gaze into her eyes. She knows that nothing could ever make me love her less. I know she feels the same about me. Monica breaks our unspoken gaze, turning her eyes to the coffee table, her thoughts back into herself.  
  
I had seen in her eyes what her real worry is. She and I are both concerned about Dana and Mulder, if that is indeed who is now sleeping in Dana's bed. We don't know what to do or what to think. I tried to let Monica know during those few precious moments of silent communication that everything will be okay. She sees through me. She sees my own doubts of this all ending happily.   
  
Monica has always been sensitive to how other people are feeling. She feels their pain, their happiness, as if it's her own. I can tell that she is overburdened with Dana's feelings of confusion, sadness, fear, and hope. It's hard for her to feel my love though all of Dana's emotions.  
  
I wish I could put my arm around her and pull her close to me, but now is not the right time. Right now Monica's and my thoughts are focused on our friends-on Mulder and Scully-just as theirs would be focused on us if our positions were reversed. It was the right time the night Monica drove me home. But I let that moment slip away. I wonder if the right moment will ever come again or if I have lost it forever.  
  
I close my eyes and try to get some sleep. It's been a long night and I have to believe that some day, at some point, it will be the right time for me to tell Monica that I love her.  
  
The End  
  
"You cannot quit me so quickly/Is there no hope in you for me...I've got all the time for you love...The space between/The tears we cry is the laughter that keeps us coming back for more...Will I hold you again...We waste the hours with talking...We're strange allies...With warring hearts...All we can do my love/Is Hope we don't take this ship down/The space between...Where you smile and hid/That's where you'll find me if I get to go...Take my hand."-Dave Matthews Band-"The Space Between" 


	2. Monica's POV

The Space Between 2  
By: Olivia  
  
I take a deep breath and lean back into the plush sofa, back into John's arm resting there.  
  
Our eyes met for the briefest of seconds before I break contact and look down at my hands. I saw everything in that instant. I saw it all. I saw his worry for Dana, I saw his belief that it is Mulder lying in the next room, and I saw his hesitation to proclaim that it is Mulder due to Dana's deep-rooted belief that the man is not Mulder. I saw all this in an instant of unspoken communication between my partner and myself.   
  
And yet I also saw something in his eyes infinitely more precious to me mixed up in our mutual worries for our friends. I saw the love he feels for me. It is a love he has never openly admitted to me and yet I feel it as he gently caresses the back of my head. I want to close my eyes and lean into his shoulder. I want to wrap my arms around him, to hold him. But it is impossible. Even though we are out of Scully's direct line of sight, even though she is totally engrossed in her own thoughts and worries at this moment to worry about us, it is still impossible.  
  
This love I feel for him has become a bittersweet ache to me. It would be easier I think if I knew he didn't love me. I could throw my love into our friendship for him, into my duty to him as his partner. But I know he loves me. I saw it in his eyes tonight, just as I saw it in his eyes that night in the car, and on so many other times between.   
  
He won't allow himself to love me. As if by doing so he would wind up hurting or disappointment me. Didn't I tell him I could never see him disappointing anyone?   
  
I saw his love for me in his eyes and felt it in his touch. I can feel it even here sitting next to him on this sofa. He loves me. I make him happy just sitting here beside him, knowing that I'm in his life. Slowly, John's letting me in, letting me know that he loves me. And every time he does, it leaves me breathless and wanting more.  
  
I think about Dana's words, how she would love Mulder even if he was disfigured for life. I feel the exact same way. If it was John, lying in that room, horribly burned beyond recognition, I would still love him. I would still love him because inside he's the same man I've always loved. Just as I would have spent my life taking care of that alternate reality John when he was paralyzed, so too would I spend my life with a physically scarred John. The truth is I'm unhappy without him.  
  
I wish I could close this space between us. If I did, if John allowed me, I'd never let him go.   
  
The End 


End file.
